PLEASE HELP! :)I need help writing and fixing my article. This is my article:

Upon arriving at the giant red tent that hosted this marvelous event the boys were hit first by the potent smell of hot dogs and popcorn. Finding their seats in the bleachers, the two boys devoured bags of cotton candy as they waited for the show to start. The dark smothered the boys and their parents like a piercing night. They were all sitting there for close to a half an hour before the show began. Finally the ringleader came out and introduced himself as The Great Barlow. There were many cheers from the crowd as the show finally began. Three dancing clowns appeared from backstage and began juggling bowling pins as they rode around on unicycles. The crowd went wild with laughter as one of them pretended to fall off with a comical yelp. Dan though gave a small yelp of fear to his brother Christopher as he saw the mixture of drooping frowns and grotesquely large smiles. Dan’s mom gave him a reassuring smile saying, “It’s alright Dan. All it is is makeup.” But not even his mother's reassurance quieted his fears. He breathed a deep sigh of relief as they left the arena.
After many acts of tightrope walkers and acrobats the ring leader appeared again and said that they were all in for a special treat because it’s not every day that people got to see the Magnificent Frederick the Fire Breather. A tall lean man came out to center ring holding nothing but a match in his hand and a bottle of what was presumed to be alcohol. After striking the match and taking a swig from the bottle, Fredrick held up the match to his mouth and let out a thin stream of the liquid in his mouth. Immediately the liquid caught fire and shot a straight line of fire right at the crowd! The crowd jumped in there seats as the flames flew toward them but disappeared before it hurt anyone. The crowd once again roared with approval as they flew from there seats in a loud burst of applause.
The room once again went dark as strobe lights flashed around the room. “And now,” an invisible voice boomed, “For the grand finally!” The whole room erupted in light as the entire cast from the show came out all of them performing their act. Clowns danced and fell and made people laugh while tightrope walkers danced above the crowd. Frederick breathed fire at the crowd again and even lit a ring on fire that a the lion tamer had his lions jump through. Dan was enjoying himself so much that he had completely forgot his fear of clowns. He had loved the show so much! The crowd roared their approval with there claps and shouts for more. But like all good things The Great Barlow's North American Circus had to come to an end. As the last clown danced off stage and the last flame blinked out the circus was over. The boys practically skipped to their parents car all the while talking about all the magnificent things they had seen. The boys had had the time of their life and this wasn't an experience they would forget.

These are the corrections my teacher told me I need to make:
I enjoyed reading your story - you have employed wonderful descriptive details! You do need to include dialogue, and strengthening the conflict would be great! Can you identify the events that make up the rising action? Which event would you say is the climax? When does Dan have to make a choice that solves his conflict? You've described the circus very well. But the conflict isn't readily apparent - his fear of clowns doesn't appear to be a problem for Dan. You would need to include more to develop the conflict, than his mother telling him to not be afraid.
5/5 Introduction
2/5 Conflict
2/5 Rising Action/ Event #1
0/5 Rising Action/ Event #2
0/5 Climax
5/5 Sensory Language (Example 1)
5/5 Sensory Language (Example 2)
0/5 Dialogue
5/5 Word Count
5/5 Clear writing

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B.
Miss Stevens our tour guide, hoped to visit the new war memorial.

C.
Miss Stevens, our tour guide, hoped to visit the new war memorial.

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